The Goodfella

The Whole Truth- and Nothing But The Truth

The one thing I don't want to do is patronize my readers, and explain why and how the justice system of this country works. But, after reading a host of comments written on everything from Facebook to the bathroom wall about how in the hell Casey Anthony was found innocent, I will point out a few things, and then attempt to give you my opinion about where our justice system is flawed. If you think that I'm about to unload nothing but horseshit on you, you can stop reading now.

If you're continuing to read, let me quote one thing- "Better to let 10 guilty men go free, than convict one innocent man". Now remove your finger from your throat, and sound off like a young teenage girl to her father- "I know -DAD- I'm not stupid you know. Jeeze." Well, you and I, and everyone else, better drum that saying into our little heads, because that's what justice is all about. Beyond a shadow of a doubt. It has to be that way or many innocent people would be behind bars right now. Just think of how you would feel, being convicted by a jury of your peers, for a crime you know you did not commit.

Now, I am not saying that I think Ms. Anthony is innocent or not. In fact let me go out on a limb here and give you my thoughts on this. I think ,no I'm pretty positive, she knows exactly what happened to her daughter, and so do Caseys parents. They played it to the max, confusing the evidence and testimony to the point that even the pros couldn't quite figure it out. Remember Jon Benet- that was one that didn't even get to court it was coated in so much shit. Her parents played the "I don't know what your talking about" routine better than mobster Sam Giancanna during the mafia Senate hearings of the early 60's. I'm dating myself now. No I'm not, I read about it. Who said what? Anyway, yes, Casey Anthony knows alot. Who else could have caused the death of Caylee but her or a family member? That is what everyone is so upset about. We know- but we also don't know, because we weren't there. The evidence was inconclusive, and the jury- even though they could have convicted- had a shadow of a doubt. They played by the golden rule of justice.

Many of us say our system of justice is flawed. You're right, it is. Nothing we humans do is perfect. Nature is not perfect, even God is not perfect because he made me my ears too big. We all know there are problems and that's why some innocent men have spent years in jail, while others, we know are guilty, run free. So what's the answer? Well, I'm not sure what it could be, but I have a suggestion. Eliminate the competition. That's right, the competition. The defense and the prosecution need to stop competing. They both need to find the truth. In America competition is a way of life, but when it comes into the courtroom it destroys the truth. Lawyers become overzealous, twisting and manipulating evidence just to win, because the the winner gets the prize. Forget about the truth. As long as they can get the jury to go their way, that's all that counts with them.  It also makes tham lazy. Maybe if the prosecution spent a little more time structuring and gathering evidence, Casey would be getting the crap beat out of her by a gang of prison mamas right now.  They were, however, sure they had this case wrapped up. They knew they couldn't lose and they rushed to judgement. What a surprise they had. The truth is all they had to look for. The truth is all the defense should have looked for too, but they preyed on the flaws of the prosecution- their competitor- and got their client set free. Hey, they did their job, as much as we hate to admit it.  Find the truth. Forget the competition. It's a simple concept, really.

In the case of Caylee Anthony, we all know that at least her mother Casey knows the truth, and perhaps her family too. Sadly, we also know little Caylee knows the truth, never able to divulge it to a single living soul.  May truth be with you in the next life sweetheart, and may the minds of those who hid the truth of your death never, ever be free of guilt. 

 

Married To It

As many of you know, the state of New York just became the sixth state to legalize same sex marriage. With cheers form the gay community, and much to the chagrin of the many opposed, marriage shot up in the state almost overnight. The marriage industry, as I will call it, (it's also referred to as the bridal industry, but I can't classify who might be a bride anymore), got an economic shot in the arm like never before. Marriage, or the act of it, not only helps morale, but creates purchases in a big way. Just ask any father of a young women getting hitched, who just shelled out thirty or so grand for the wedding.

Before I go any further, let me state that I am not going to give my opinion about same sex marriage. Nor, will I go into my usual tirade about how screwed up the government is nickle and dimeing and "bureaucrating" (I made up this word), the new newlyweds before they hit the sheets on the honeymoon. No, this is something else entirely.

You see, my dear reader, why does the government have to get involved at all. Why does marriage have to become a legal act. Ok, I can hear the lawyers choke now, but why does anyone need approval, or permission from anyone to be married?  Why do the courts, legal systems, and government entities need to register the marriage? Why can't marriage be a moral or religious issue, only. "Oh but Goodfella, are you nuts or something", say some of you. "You have to register it or no one will know you're married". Got  a ring- wear it. I see a girl with a diamond ring on her hand, and that says something. Ask her father who spent all that money on the "ceremony"- if he can talk after the stroke- and he'll tell you she's married. None of this has to do with the county clerk. "What about kids?  You can't have kids without getting married?" Tell me where in the law it says this, friends. Know anyone who has kids, and not married to the father or mother? Call them what you like, but that thought you're having about the "immorality of it" is based on morals, not legality. "But, I get a better tax write off as a married couple, and my insurance premiums are lower", says you. Yeah, so it's about money now? All that love went away? Those out of wedlock kids still can still be used as a big write off, so put away the prophylactic tonight. Insurance, I've put a few girlfriends on my insurance by checking "other" on the form. Pay the premiums, and they'll get covered. If your employer wont add them, then pay the difference yourself. You love them, right? "If he's married to me , legally, it forms a tighter bond with my partner, and he'll be more loyal to me". Yep, heard this from a lot of girls. Let me ask this- would it hurt you less if he cheated, and he was just a boyfriend? Would you feel better taking a hammock ride with the boss, girls, if the guy at home wasn't your husband? Or would you just hide it better? Ha? Got news- if you are truly in love, and have some decency about you- man or woman, you won't cheat because you are in love- not because a priest said "you may now kiss the bride". In fact the words "till death do you part", is now "as long as you're happy". Go to any grammar school and ask the kids how many of them live with both of their real parents, and I'll bet less than 20% raise their hands. Sad, but true. Lastly, "What if we end the marriage, if it's not a legal one, I don't get money from the rat for cheating on me, and who gets the kids, the dog, the house?".  Ok, according to today's rule the money and house are little harder to get, but there is a thing called cohabitation, and once you agree on this, it's becomes like a business partnership. Yes, you'll get a share- maybe more than your share. I checked with an attorney on this, and they still get paid too!  The kids- its the same as getting married. Laws of custody and child support still apply. I know this, I had a girlfriend who gets all of it, and not by being married to the guy.

I think I covered most everything. My point to all this- shit, I almost forgot my point! My point is, no marriage should have be sanctioned by any government. We eliminate al the questions and control and another level of bureaucracy. Now I'm not against marriage. Marry anyone, same sex, other sex, no sex, or hell, marry a goat for all I care. Like I said, whether I agree with any kind of marriage, or not, isn't the point. Just marry. Hell, animals don't have to debate this crap. They don't even get married, even religiously, and get along fine. They don't even have any lawyers! Now whose the dumb animal?

Yes, But Will You Respect Me In The Morning

By now, we all know of the welcomed death of the worlds most notorious terrorist, Osama Bin Laden, the details of which are available in every media outlet on the planet. Note to him - "Hey Bin, a little upset because forty virgins weren't waiting for you on the other side?  Well, tough shit. Our U.S. Navy gave you a burial at sea, and they have film footage of your carcass being vomited up by sharks".  Well, so should it be. I think a better burial would have been inside a burning building, after a commercial jet plowed into it, so you would get a feel for what it was like for all those 9/11 victims. Anyway, enough about that.

My real point to this is to bring to light an article written by Andrea Stone of the HuffPost/AOL News Service (May 2, 2011), titled "Bin Laden Killing Threatens Already Tenuous Relationship between the U.S. and Pakistan". As previously stated for Bin Laden, "Well, tough shit".  We told the Pakistanis not hide terrorists in their country, and heard their lies when George Bush was in office, about how they're here to help fight terrorism. "Hey Zardari,(current President of Pakistan) thanks for hiding a rabid dog in your back yard- you're doin' a great job!??!!". With friends like you- who needs enemies? Or are you an enemy?" Let's hope not.

You see, the world is like one big neighborhood. When a rabid dog is lose, the world wants to find it, before it bites and kills- or learns how to fly airplanes into high rises. We gotta all stick together on this man! We can't bomb Los Angeles to find a few gang members screwing it up for everyone- the neighbors have to root them out.  Just like you should have done, Pakistan! Maybe we could have ended this Bin Laden thing a long time ago. The guy was living on a compound for Chris-sakes. You had to have known he was there. Maybe we wouldn't have flown in drone missiles over the past few months, if you just let us know.  

Stained relations, you bet. You pissed us off (well, you pissed off the Goodfella anyway). Respect? Not this morning. Not for a long time. So, if any other terrorist are hiding in your yard posing as yak farmers or whatever- give 'em up- before you piss off your neighbors again. You're either part of the solution, or part of the problem.

As a side note,  kudos to our President for not letting the CIA handle this, and my sincerest thanks and utmost respect to the brave U.S. Navy Seals who risked their lives to sink a piece of hot lead into Bin Laden. You are true American heroes!

You Are Terminated

MEMO TO : U.S. House of Representatives, The U.S. Senate,The Federal Executive Branch including the President of the United States.

FROM:  The People of the United States- the American Taxpayer

Ladies and gentleman, please let this memo serve as your notice that you are being terminated from your position in the United States Government effective immediately. I will outline below why this is occurring.

1) You no longer seem to represent the people, but are only concerned with special interest groups, large corporate entities, and the banking and investment institutions of this country. It is because of this you have done the citizens great harm by abusing your power and causing the taxpayer financial harm.

2) You have slowly eroded our freedoms by devising and implementing laws that encumber everyday life and mock our founding fathers expertly written Bill of Rights.

3) You bicker and argue over fruitless ways to squander our tax dollars, and blame it on the opposing party, while stating the obvious fraud of trying to balance the budget. You give money to other countries, or non-citizens, like water, but lift your middle finger to your own. You are incapable of balancing a baby on your knee, and have neither the fortitude or desire to think about what's right for the people.

4) Your grandstanding and party platforms don't do anything but upset us. Democrat or Republican, both of your contributions to this society stink. We could get more cooperation from a kindergarten class.

5) You have allowed rapid and unnecessary growth of the federal government, then fill it with bureaucrats who make rules and regulations the rest of have to follow. Most of these bureaucrats are your financial contributors, and will have these powerful positions for life- or at least until we come up with a way to fire them too.

6) You impede the real growth and advancement of this country and its people by holding on to ideologies that are more dated than a moon rock, because stagnation keeps the wheels turning and the money flowing in a direction only you want.

7) You forgot that you work for us. You're suppposed do what we want- not the other way around.

I could go on and on, but basically these reasons are enough to let you go. You'll be replaced by those that want to better America to make her great again, and who are concerned about the good of as many of us as possible- not a party or some group that greases your palms to get their way. I hope we can find people like that. They must exist somewhere.

Please clear out your desks within 72 hours. Forget about your fat pensions- you've been fired!  Don't apply for some cushy job with some big company- your reference from us will not be kind. We are disgusted by all of you!

Good Luck,

The Goodfella- Representing the American Taxpayer

 

 

 

All The Presidents Hair

Have you noticed that U.S. Presidents get gray hair quicker than many of us?  Elected to office with their natural hair color, in four years or less, its starts greying faster than the skies of Seattle. Now, of course it's a demanding, hectic, high pressure job in spite of all the perks- free house, free airplane, more than a couple servants, and bodyguards, to name a few. You become the leader of the free world, constantly being watched by every American and the media, and asked to please everybody, all of the time. And, therein lies the rub. Asked, no demanded, to please everybody all of the time. Try as they might, no President can do it, and as Abe Lincoln said, "You can please all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time."  If not assassinated, Abe would have had no hair at the end of his term, let alone gray.

Picture yourself with 27 kids, 11 teenagers, 4 geriatric relatives, and 6 wives (or husbands), all living with you in your four bedroom, two bath home, wherever. Add to this, at least 18 co-workers, or friends, stopping by your home, daily, to give you advise on how to do things, why you're screwing up, and news about the planet that would sour a sour apple.  On top of this, if things don't get better, they say, you'll be out of a job. I am imagining this is what its like to be President. Would you get gray- fast? Hell, I have one tenth of this, and have considered suicide, at and times, a murderous rampage.

Being President requires a multitude of ass-kissing, keeping the big lobby groups happy so they'll help fund your reelection, pleasing some countries, and bombing the others, listening to your advisers, and having to say no, or yes, a thousand times a day and hoping your right.  "No Mr. President, we have to bomb now to free those in less fortunate countries", says the Secretary of Defense.  You don't want to, but Boeing aircraft is sitting on pins and needles to get the contract for 110 F-22 fighter jets, or 27,000 people will lose their jobs. "Yeah drop the bombs", you say, because you don't want to hear from those Union jerks because you put all those members out of work. Oil? What oil? You mean if I don't hold back alternative energy, the oil companies won't fund my party?  Shit, the last thing I need is the head of the Demo-pubs bitching about lost funds because I told Exxon to bite me. Nope can't have that. Oh no, the Christian right says no to me fighting to keep abortion rights or the entire bible belt will rise against me, but if I side with them every Roe vs. Wade supporter will call me unconstitutional, for not keeping the separation of church and state? Toxic cleanup?  Yeah, I flushed. Taxes, hey I gotta get paid. What?,  I can't legally fire the Director of the IRS, without congressional approval , but I can bomb  someplace in Libya at my will , even though it later turns out to be school?  Money for the banks? Let the Fed handle it, because my predecessor Woodrow Wilson gave them the right to handle our money, so it's not my fault.  No jobs? Go figure. I'm certainly not gonna tell those big corporate cash guys to try and keep a couple jobs on US soil. And the geriatric crowd? "I fought in WWII, and if you cut my social security, I'm gonna cut off your friggen balls, sonny!"  And who can blame them?  Where's FDR when you need him.

Tough job. You bet. Do I think the Presidents are always right. No. Some of them shouldn't even be President- without naming names. Like pleasing that crowded house I talked about earlier- yeah, I think that's close- and like that house, we sometimes need a autocrat. Someone to say, "Hey that's enough crap. We need to do this to fix that, and we're gonna do it"! I mentioned this in a previous blog. A dictator for the moment- just to fix some serious problems. That's the President I'd like to see, the old Harry Truman, the buck stops here kinda guy. By the way, Harry had grey hair going in.

I doubt, at least since about John F. Kennedy, who I believe was killed because he told someone in his "house" to go rub salt in their ass, and said, "I'm doin it this way!!", that we'll ever see a President who takes control and gets something done because it's the right thing to do.

I'm sending this column, and a coupon for Just for Men hair coloring, to our current President, Barack Obama. I think he's gonna need it.

 

 

Wisconsin Cheese and Other Things

After a long absence, I return to writing my column, and having promised to you in the past to keep it regular, I find my lapse to be based not just on what's happening in my world- but the whole world.

Now, forgetting my personal universe, let me point out that there are many of us, some of my closest friends included, that tell me, "I don't care what's happening anywhere but in my world- and neither should you because most of what happens we can't do anything about." I tend to agree, but also find ambivalence can be a dangerous thing. Where do we draw the line? At what point do we say, "What the hell is going on here; let's fix it before it's too late".

I'll try not to get too philosophical on you, but lets take a list of some things happening now, and I'll give you my rant, while you think about yours. In fact, I welcome your thoughts on this, so comment anytime.

The Middle East-  Yes, people in some of those countries have spoken up, and are making changes, unfortunately at times with bloodshed, but changes never the less. Do I care? Yes, because gas prices are skyrocketing again, and I'm tired of any reason they use to raise prices. Pay more at the pump, less of something else more fun- like food and alcohol, my person fuel of choice. I doubt though, the rising prices are because of the freedom people are seeking, but more because of a greedy move by hedge funds and oil companies. I can't think of anything off the top of my head to change this, except give a hearty middle finger salute to the investors and oil barons. Maybe if we all gripe, something can happen- who knows. Oh, and please don't lay the alternative energy angle on me; it will happen, but probably not in my lifetime.

Wisconsin- Cheese anyone? Who would have thought the people of such a mild mannered state like Wisconsin would have riled up against their state government over benefits issues? Isn't the Governor just trying to stop the red ink from flowing and prevent state bankruptcy? Are the people not clear in telling him, "Hey, find something else to pick on, we want our plans in place because its our livelihood we're talkin' about?!". Do I care?  Not really, it's Wisconsin. Just keep shipping out the good cheese. But if my Governor pulls this crap - look out, it will really hit the fan!

Earthquakes and Weather- Is it me, or have there been alot of quakes and strange weather lately? It hasn't affected me yet, so my heart goes out, but until God, Mother Nature, or whatever you call the driving force has a website or 1-800 number, basically, it's good luck to all of us. If our planet is falling apart, then my advice is to start drinking heavily.

Charlie Sheen- This affects me greatly, because if he gets one more bit of attention, I may go ballistic on him and anyone who brings up his name. Move on about this my friends, there are more important things in life. It's two and a half pains in my ass.

All Despots and Dictators-Kim Jong, Gadaffi, the guy from Iran whose name is too long to spell- I could care less about these meatheads unless they start nuking us. Please President Obama, cancel the exective order set up by President Ford that says we can't assasinate other world leaders. Give us a break, by saving our troops and send our top Delta Force hit squad out to nail them. The world will be a better place. And, by the way Mr. President, please send an American collection agency out to find Bin Laden. These guys are good- they always seem to be able to find me.

Wall Street and the Banks- Yes, my wallet is directly affected by these two groups. I am upset that our government sides with them, and designs laws to help them be the legal theives they are. I am more upset, that I can't rake in loads of cash like them, and avoid prison. More upsetting, is that printing up your own cash is a federal crime, even though the bills are owned by the Federal Reserve, which is basically the banks, who are private institutions. Look on any bill and you will see this. Look up the Federal Reserve and read about them. Have your antacid pills nearby. Yes , this affects me, and I'm pissed. 

Like every American, I can get upset when things upset my personal world. I hope that all of us can look down the road and see that something that concerns us may be small now, but may become something big later, so be prepared to at least say something to those that control it. The rest of it, we can watch on the news, down our favorite beveridge, and thank our lucky stars we don't have to worry about it.

 

All That News

People always ask me, "So what do you think about today's news?". While this statement covers a lot of ground, I figure every once in a while I'll highlight some daily news stories I found interesting, and all my readers can see what a sick, twisted viewpoint I have about them.

So here goes.

Today is November 3, 2010

The San Francisco Giants celebrated their first World Series win since they left New York in 1954. This is good news, for those of us in the San Francisco Bay area. Of course, I remind people they originally came from my old stomping  ground in NYC, but they're here now, and although I've been a Yankees fan for many years, the Yankees couldn't beat the Rangers, (what the fu*k happened?), so what am I thinking. In fact the SF Giants literally stomped the Rangers. My sympathies to the Bush family.

Jerry Springer celebrated 20 years on TV today. Yes, I have watched some shows, but only a few. As a person who is in the TV production business, I always wondered what the draw is, but Springer's raking in the cash. I guess it's just about watching people, kind of like sitting in the mall and commenting about every fat-ass, dork, geek, and complete asshole we see. In this case though, it's amped up, and includes fist fights. Gotta love it. My dilemma though is whether to congratulate Mr. Springer for his success, or condone him for contributing to the complete moral and intellectual breakdown of society by pointing out that some of us have not evolved that far from chimps. What do you think?

Face-book reduced their font size, driving their members crazy, as it's now harder to read. Looks the same to me, what are they talking about?

Freddie-Mac, the governments mortgage backers, lost 4.5 Billion (yes that's a "B") in the last quarter, prompting the Federal Reserve to call for loaning it money. Where in the name of Jesus and the seven Apostles are they getting this money?  Oh, that's right, the Fed controls the printing presses. Need cash, the Fed prints more- not for you and I though. Soon the dollar will be worth a nickel, and the Fed and the Chinese  (who own many, many US Treasury bonds) will own everything.  Remember, the Fed is a privatly owned banking system sanctioned by our lovely Congress.   Mr. Bernanke, please, I need a loan.

Thirty tons of marijuana was found in a tunnel at the border near San Diego. They were waiting for Prop 19 ( California legalization of pot) to pass, then flood the streets of L.A. with it. It didn't pass, so they were going to flood the streets of L.A. with it. Oh wait, I just said that.

And the biggest news today- drum roll please- the mid-term elections. Yes, like the headlines said, we took back our country (!!). First the Republicans had it, and promised change, then the Democrats had it and promised change, and now the Republicans have it back and promised change. Yes, there will be change. I will change my underwear in the morning, I will get change back from my coffee, I will give change to a charity solicitor, I will change my diet, my employees will change the time clock (in their favor), and more than likely I will change the channel several times on my TV. Probably when Jerry Springer is on. But I have a feeling, that's the only change I'm going to see. I can only hope I'm wrong.

Until next time- that's all the news I wanted to print- fit or not.

 

il Duce

So after my last article about getting off my social/political editorials, and focusing on life's little details, some of my readers posed suggestions and questions that place me right back in the thick of my usual ranting on how, and why the world runs the way it does. So with mid-term elections coming up, how could I resist.

Although I always have been, and always will be a defender of the Constitution and Bill of Rights in this country, I will spin heads on my readers, and the dead bodies of our forefathers, by stating publicly, that we need to abandon those papers in one area, for just one four year Presidential term. What we need in this country now, is a good dictator. You read right, a dictator. The title of this article is "il Duce", Italian for "the Leader" and a term applied to Benito Mussolini, Italy's fascist dictator during WWII.  No, we don't want a Mussolini, but we do want the leader. We want a benevolent, positive leader, who will get the job done in spite of the rules, the politics, the payoffs, the threats, the egos, and all the other BS that goes with the job. How is this possible, you ask? Well, it probably isn't, as they will probably get impeached or overthrown, as it will be a direct violation of our nations laws. No check and balances, no vetoes, filibusters, or constituencies, just someone who will get the job done- no matter what.

All the talk today about "throw the bums out", "time for a change", and all the Tea Party, this party, that party rehetoric, won't give us a leader, just the same old crap, in a different suit. As my favorite satarist/comic, Lewis Black says, "the Democrats and Republicans have become both the same, like a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror". And, I agree. We need change alright, but not like the changes every candidate promises, but never follows through with. They can't follow through because too many cooks are spoiling the soup. Even when someone has a good idea, it's thrashed about, changed, and altered to try and please everyone, and all the political contributors. That's why we wind up with a two year wait on a bill that starts out good, but ends up being 3,000 pages long, that nobody understands, or cares about anymore. Things are too complicated, too overdone, and too convoluted to work.

Let's get back to that dictator. Let's find that man or woman that can say, "Here's the way it's gonna be"- we got great groundwork laid out by the founding fathers, lets keep that and make only those changes that suit as many as possible in our modern times. Everybody wants a rule on immigration, fine, in three sentences, on one page here's the law. All of you want new and fair tax laws, good- here they are, that's it, story over. That's what the dictator would do. Fix it all, then after four years- they're gone. Rules set. Game over.

Now, some of you are thinking you can't simplify that much. I say, we can. We can try. What have we got to lose- nothing. Of all the candidates running, they all say the same thing,- better this, better that, less this, more that, and it never changes. Taxes keep rising, wars keep going, economies keep sinking, and all under the weight of what we call, politics. So, this election, don't vote for anyone. Write in a name of a person who's running for Senator or Governor, who would be a good dictator in the next presidential election. I, personally, have reached a sense of "numbness" about politics, and would gladly dictate myself. But, who the hell am I in the voters eyes. The word has a bad connotation, but in reality, a true leader, an 'il Duce', is what we need.

By the way, about the simpler things in life I was gonna start writing about- some people told me they like $3 a bottle wine and this girl I know likes Little Caesars Pizza. The wine I could live with, but after the pizza, I had to call the suicide hot line.  Just thought I'd let you know.

 

I'm Flying Over the Cookoo's Nest

I'm going off my usual ranting about how much BS there is in the world- no talk of government screw-ups, no complaining about things that should be a certain political way, in my opinion of course. Nope, I'm tired of it. We can all tune in to CNN or Fox or any other media outlet and hear opinions from every wanna be philosopher, analyst, and expert in the world. We can listen to our friends go off on the Democrats or Republicans, on why Bush was an idiot, or why Obama is the anti-Christ. We can pause for thought over why immigration or national health care is a problem for this reason or that.  Or,we can melt our intelligence away on such "reality shows" as "Jersey Shore", or "The Kardashians" and not think about the world, only to listen to someone on one of those shows bitch about the other cast members or let everyone know how big of a dump they took today.  Not me- it's over. The worlds getting too complicated, and there is too much information, most of which is irrelevant. I want to focus on the good things- the everyday living kind of stuff we all experience. Don't worry, I'm not going to turn into Oprah or Martha Stewart. 

I will from time to time point out those things that really grind my gears- but only in instances we can all relate to. Let me give you an example of some of the things I've been wondering about: I really want to know if $3 a bottle wine can actually be consumed by a living human being, or for that matter, why anyone in these times, other than say a Warren Buffet type,would buy a $400 bottle of wine?  Sounds trivial, I know, but hey, its worth discussing, I mean so many of us drink wine. Another example- why are the cell phone companies turning our cell phones into a TV? Isn't it a phone? Who would you watch a football game on a 3" inch screen when you can probably go home and watch it on a 50" screen in surround sound? Unless you're watching at work or at school, which is a another problem all together, why would using your phone as a TV be a benefit? Here's one; why does the Olive Garden think it can make Italian food, when I've had better Italian food in Irish restaurants. As an Italian American, I want to know. Yet, so many people like it, except in New York, New Jersey, and most of New England of course. I mean, damn, what is it about the place. I'm not complaining, I just want to know.

I could go on and on, but what I'm talking about is real life, everyday stuff. The little ordinary things, not about people who are famous for being famous. Not Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin stirring up the people to benefit themselves (and they are- but forget it, that's not what I'm writing about!). Nope real life.  You'll see. Let me know if you have any subject matter, on anything. Food, drink, places, TV, movies, people. Anything. If I can't keep you wondering about it then, well maybe, I'll just go back to complaining!

It's a Bloody Mess

A Letter to Queen Elizabeth:

Your Majesty;

I am writing to let you know that your Kingdoms' largest company- British Petroleum- (BP), is causing quite a stir over here in the states. I am sure you are aware that one of their largest oil rigs exploded into a fireball 50 days ago, and while it has unfortunately killed 11 of the rig workers, it also caused a gusher of oil to flow into the Gulf of Mexico just 60 miles off the coast of Louisiana.

Now it seems to me that while your boys at BP are trying to stem flow of oil, they just haven't quite been able to figure out exactly how to fully stop it. Perhaps they should try something new, or let an outside engineer come up with a solution to this oily mess. Maybe, just maybe, they can look themselves in the eye while they have their spot of afternoon tea, and own up to their failures.

We Americans can no longer sit idle while our southeast coast becomes a sea of black goo, and our precious wildlife smothers in it. We cannot allow our fishing industry to become extinct as sea life becomes unsafe to consume, and ocean species rot at the bottom of oiled filled waters. How would you like it if a rainbow of oil sheen coated one of your crumpets?

I plead with you to get off the throne and let BP know that the U.S. won't put up with this. Hopefully this isn't some sick retribution for the Revolution. Get over it, that was more than 230 years ago.  Remember we were there for you in WWII. You would be eating bratwurst with you tea, and have a swastika painted on your royal ass if it wasn't for America!  Sorry, I got carried away.

Now, I'm hoping our President, Barack Obama, tells BP to get out of the way, and let our own intellectuals in this country fix the problem. We have scores of top engineers in this country from NASA, the military, and private industry that I'm sure could fix this. We even have a load of engineers, and smart ones at that, who came from India and work in the high-tech industry here that I'm sure could help. Oops, sorry. I forgot, India got the rid of you Brits too.  Mr Obama though, seems to be stalling also. By the way are you and him *?*?!!*- anyway, that's why I'm writing you.

In closing, start getting on the BP crew and get them moving. This "Piccadilly Circus" attitude has got to end. If you don't, the only solution I can see is, and pardon my forwardness, stuff you and your tidy undies, your big eared prince of a son, -whose ears alone could plug anything up,- and the entire BP board of directors into that gaping hole of an oil well!  Not only that, we Americans are still wondering if you didn't have Princess Di bumped off!!  You don't want that to get brought up again, now do you?

Hopefully you'll take what I've written to heart. Let the Crown of England be your guide.

Cheerio,

The Goodfella

P.S. I hope you appreciate that I never referred to you or your family as "those uptight money hungry limey bastards".  For me, that was real self control!