The Goodfella

Me and My FICO

Okay, so I checked my FICO score today, and, well I'm not too happy. I mean, when you were a kid, and the teacher was yelling at you about not ruining your permanent record, this is what she was talking about. She just didn't explain it. This is what it's all about today. This little three digit number calculation, based on your credit reports, is what makes the world go around. A high score, and the world is at your fingertips. A low score, and the financial world views you as a credit serial killer. In fact, as an adult, unless you are a serial killer, child molester, or rapist, this score holds high regard in peoples view of you.  Many minor criminals can do jail time, but if their credit score is good, they can get whatever they want. In fact people will say, "He's a dirt bag otherwise, but he's driving a nice car because his credit is good", or, "Look at that guy, he was convicted of wire tap fraud, but he always pays his bills. Now every girl in town wants him because he has a great credit score, and can buy them whatever they want". I mentioned in another blog, that I know women that won't even date a guy if his score goes below 700. Its getting to the point that you have to fill out a credit app just so they can check your score before you order at Burger King, and ask for extra ketchup. "Sorry sir, your score is a little low, so no extra ketchup".  It's all about the image.

Now, we all believe that this score is a reflection of how we pay are bills. This is most, but not all of it. It also takes into effect your debt ratio, how much you pay on those bills, and the length of time you have those credit cards. I pay all my bills on time, but maxed out those cards, and that score dropped like a rock. Apply for a new card, and guess what, down it goes. Get upset at a department store over some bad merchandise, don't pay the bill, and the score drops, even if your right. Say the word credit, and your score drops. My 87 year old mother has a great score and had to make a dental payment which nearly maxed out one of two credit cards and- guess what. In fact what I don't get about this system, is that it doesn't take income into account, because my mother hasn't worked in twenty five years, and American Express did everything they could to convince her to take a card.  It doesn't make sense but, we base our whole life, and our ability to buy anything we can't pay cash for on this FICO thing.

After a few sleepless nights about my FICO, I think I finally figured a few things out. It's all about the banks. They want us to have great credit scores to buy that house or car, or apply for that platinum Visa card, but then they want it to drop, so they can charge more interest. Call me paranoid, but this conspiracy theory makes sense. That letter in the mail from Mastercard says,"Based on your great credit score, we're offering you a gold card with a $10,000 limit, at 0% interest for the first year, and 4% after that".  So,who wouldn't take it. You sign up, and the card comes. At 0% for the first year, you max it out on a big down payment for your new Lexus.  Hey, it's free money for a year. But, wait. You maxed  it out, and your making minimum payments. Your score drops.  "Based on our recent credit score check, we find we are unable to continue offering your card at 0% and have raised the rate to 14%", says the next letter from Mastercard. Shit.  Now the payments are higher, so one month your late a few days. Late charge $39.00.  '" Based on your recent late payment, we have raised your interest rate to the default rate of 29%. Good Luck", says the next letter.  Okay, so now the great score is just an average score, and the bank makes bank because you have a low FICO!  What a gimmick. No wonder why the credit card industry put my loan sharking Uncle Vito out of business.

I say to hell with FICO. Not only is it a system for the banks to make more money, its also the biggest tattle tale system in the world. Late on one bill, and you're scorned by everyone. I say, don't pay on time, and if Mastercard cancels you, so be it, but if Visa wants to take a chance, why not. I mean you'd think they'd be happy I screwed the competition. And why so much importance on this in our society. We have 'In God we Trust' on our money because in this country money is a God. What about other things in life?  What if they had a morals FICO. "Hey I heard John just cheated on his wife and his moral score dropped to 200". Now no woman will touch him",  or, how about, "I heard Mrs. Smith stole three pies from the grocer." What a bitch, I hope her score goes down 50 points and no more pies for her". With a moral score, we'd probably all be in trouble, but it's a thought. Let's get off this idolizing money in this world. Yes, we all need it, it's great to have it, and we need to responsible with it, but there's more than this to life. I have yet to hear anyone say on their deathbed, "My only regret is not having a better FICO score".

America the Rotund

Yes I'm overweight. About 35 pounds overweight. I've heard, though, that I'm not in a minority since most of America has a weight problem. In fact, the World Health Organization names America as the "fattest country on earth."  Some of us are mildly overweight- about 10-20 lbs; some of us just plain fat,- about 20-50lbs overweight,( like me);  some of us obese- 50 plus pounds; and some of us are so big, we have objects orbiting around us. How disgusting.

The news that the New York city health department now requires fast food chains to post calories on their menus brings me to the point of this story. Now that there are so many of us bulging around the waist, it was time for the government to step in. Now when we go to a McDonalds's, we'll know just how much that Big Mac will cost us in calories. Just think of it, no more wondering if this stuff will add to our "bottom line".  Let's see, a Big Mac is 600 calories!! Wow! Well, I'm off to Whole Foods to buy a head of lettuce. Wait a minute, I can have a McSalad instead. Yeah, that's the ticket from now on it's McSalads only. But, what about Burger King?  A Whopper has got to be less calories. In fact, I know a six piece fried chicken meal at KFC has got to be less calories, I mean it's chicken, right?  You know what though?  I really wanted a burger! Screw this I'm having a double cheeseburger with bacon, it's 20 calories less than the Big Mac. See, it worked! If those calories weren't posted, I would have had that Big Mac. I saved twenty calories! Now I can have a milkshake!  Right. Anybody sensing some sarcasm here. Yeah, me too.

The government. Our Big Brother. Our Father. Our Mother. That's the point. Why do we have to have this? When will we, as people, go back to taking responsibility for ourselves, and our children. Yeah, it's good to know you can ask about calories, but is it just about fast food?  What about high end food establishments? Let's take Morton's Steak House for instance. Now, I'm not picking on Morton's, but you have a 16oz. strip steak, a loaded baked potato, some sauteed mushrooms and mud pie for desert,you can bet it's going to be more calories than a meal at McDonald's. I know, I looked it up! No requirements for that to be posted on the menu though. It's not fast food. Our brilliant lawmakers want to post fast food because they believe most of Americas blubber problem comes from this. A family of five on a low income is not going to be eating at Morton's.  They need to be educated, according to the government. Well, if they can't figure out that a Quarter Pounder with cheese is not exactly health food, than they don't care what the calorie count is. A guy made a movie called "Super Size Me", about how he ate at a McDonald's every day for a month and gained 30 plus pounds. Do you think? Nothing against this guys movie making skills, but we couldn't figure the ending out? Eat a Grand Slam at Denny's twice a day and see what happens. I watched a ballgame at a buddy's house and we were all digging into six varieties of potato chips and four different beers. The calories are posted on every bag and bottle. We are all overweight, (except one guy who's thin enough to hide behind a wheat stalk and he had a heart attack last year-go figure). But, no one cared because that's what we wanted to eat. Mom and the three kids wants some Happy meals at Mickie D's, and that's what they are going to get. Calorie count or not.

Now, some of  you are thinking, "We think its good to post this info about calories, it might save a life, or keep us healthier". Maybe so. Nothing wrong with posting it. It just doesn't need to be a law. More things for the government to control, means more government employees to police it, means higher taxes. My waist may not shrink, but my wallet will. McDonald's has a website with all the nutrition facts, and flyers on the counter in the stores, so police yourselves.  But, if your that health conscious, or on some strict diet, going to a fast food place is like buying a $300,000 Ferrari, and complaining about the gas mileage. Stay the hell out of fast food places. As far as us "fatso's" causing insurance premiums to go up (we've heard this one before), then let's all get thin, and if the insurance companies lower their premiums, I got a bridge for sale.

Moderation. Control yourselves. Use some common sense. I haven't, that's why I have to look in the mirror to see my,- well you know. But, I don't blame anyone, and don't expect anyone to pass laws because I can't drive past a pizza parlor without spotting.  I know pizza has got calories, and a lot of them. Posted or not. That famous line in the movie "The Godfather" wasn't " Leave the gun, and check the calorie count on the cannolis before you take them". Get the point. Hmmm, cannolis.....!!  Maybe I'll just have half of one. 

Wackos on a Plane

Flying. What a wonderful experience!  What a pain in the ass! This is the one mode of transportation that draws more attention than a Mini Cooper filled with twelve naked clowns. Why?  Because it's both miraculous and frustrating, and after 9-11, can also be a little unnerving. Lately it's been getting alot of press, and not just for rising fuel costs, and multiple airline bankruptcies and mergers. Nope. What amazes me, is the increase of what I call "wackos" on a plane. Those that create havoc and problems for both passengers and crew, with little reason why, other than to just be jerks. I wonder what these people are like in a regular setting? Maybe they're just nice people who are affected by a change in air pressure. Maybe they're so scared of flying, creating a scene is better than quietly crapping in their pants.  Who knows. I'm not a doctor, but someone should do a study on this.

Recently I've read about a guy who grabbed a flight attendants ass, (I tried this once, but I had the foresight to do it in the terminal), a women who punched a flight attendant because she was told she couldn't smoke on a plane (this was banned about 20 years ago, so this passenger was obviously on more than cigarettes), a guy who got so drunk he started tossing ice and glasses at the crew, and a whole family that was tossed off a flight because the kids were climbing around the plane and screaming like chimpanzees while in flight.  I could go on and on- more drunks, more fights, more screaming, yelling and kicking, and my favorite one, the guy who was in a hurry to get off the plane so he opens the emergency door and deploys the chute. Yes, this actually happened.  What the hell is wrong with these people?  Now, a lot of you might think, "Hey, the airlines are the problem. The flights are cramped, the snacks stink, the prices are high, the luggage gets lost, the planes are late, and the crews are rude."  Yes, you'd be right sometimes. I mean, even a broken clock is right twice a day. So that justifies rude behavior? Use your head! Got a complaint, let the airline know, but don't sacrifice safety at 30,000 feet!

So here we are, in an aluminum tube, about 12 feet in diameter, about 150 feet long, flying six miles high at about 500 miles per hour (for you plane buffs that want to criticize, this fits a 727-200, the most common model used), and then some jerk wants to cause a problem? He starts screaming about how screwed up the flight is because he wanted peanuts, and all they had left was a bag of pumpkin seeds. The flight attendant, some 30 something, 110 pound female, goes up to this 200 pound six foot male idiot and tells him to calm down, so he starts using more four letter words than an episode of the Sopranos.  At the same time, some three year old in the seat in front of him, starts crying because he's afraid of this guys big mouth, so the mother of the toddler, who weighs about 220 herself, turns around and tells him to shut up. He promptly responds with a hearty ,"Up your ass lady", which results in another flight attendant coming up, a male this time, who looks like he couldn't make the badmitten team in high school ( I'll get some flack from male flight attendants on this), and says to him, "Sir, you have to calm down now or......."  "Or what, you'll throw me off the plane?", responds the idiot. "No, sir", says the attendant, "we will have to restrain you until the pilot lands".  So here's me sitting across the aisle thinking, restrain him? These flight attendants couldn't restrain a goat. The wacko stands up and says, "Yeah, you and who else". So, me being the hero (I think), says, "Me, that's who else!" The guy in front of me says, "Yeah, me too". He was bigger than me so this will help. Than I thought, a fight on a plane?  This is nuts. There's about 160 people in this tube with a 26 inch aisle, and three guys and two flight attendants are going get into a brawl with this jerk? Sugar Ray had it easy compared to this. What if we hurt this guy?  I mean so what, he's a jerk, but what do you do with a guy who has a compound fracture in his arm at 30,000 feet?  It takes an hour to land even when you're over an airport these days. "Excuse me, just step over the guy with the busted arm laying in the aisle if you have to use the lavatory, sir".  What if he dies, or worse yet, what if I get killed in this fight?  "Please don't use the lavatory on the left lady, there's a dead guy in there".  "Sorry folks, no coffee on this flight, we had to crack the pot over some guys head to calm him down".  Hey, it could happen.  We could just toss him out the emergency exit while we're up here, and those that don't get sucked out of the plane can enjoy the rest of the flight.  It's a thought.

Yes, the guy was restrained by the attendants, calmly, and brought up to the front of the plane so they can keep an eye on him until the landing. I guess that's one way to get into first class, without buying the upgrade. My point is, why create a problem when safety is involved. A bus, a cab, even a train and you can stop and toss the person out. Not on a plane. You're stuck with 100 or more other people until you land. No, "I'm pissed, I think I'll go for a walk".  No, "The service stinks, I'm leaving".  You're stuck. You and everybody else. So if, flying doesn't agree with you, or your upset at the airline because they didn't calculate your frequent flyer miles right, don't even get on my flight. Drive, take the bus, and complain to the airline when your on the ground. Keep the kids calm, and your shoes on (the odor!), because at 30,000 feet we all have to live with you.

By the way, someone let the flight attendant know that I'm upset that those jerks in security took my.....never mind, I'll shut up now!   

Room with That?

So todays news brought us something we never expected. Starbucks is closing 600 stores. Six Hundred! Now, in keep in mind they have about 14,000 stores in the U.S. so this is about 4% of their operations. The news also said this means about 12,000 people will lose their jobs. Twelve thousand? How many people does it take to run a coffee shop?  At this number, that's about 30 people per store. That means, not counting the corporate office, these 14,000 stores employ 420,000 people! Did the Assoicated Press mis-print this? Is it possible that this many people work there? I mean between Starbucks, and the Federal Government, I don't think anybody works anywhere else. I don't work, obviously, because I'm in front of a computer writing this. But, c'mon, if Starbucks has this many people, how come it takes so damn long to get a cup of coffee?  I know this little hole in the wall donut shop that has three old ladies working there, 10 hours a day, and I can get coffee and donuts in half the time, at half the price.   So, what is it?

Starbucks has become an enigma in this country. Gotta love their marketing people. They built 14,000 plus stores in just a few years, put a nice coprporate design in all of them, and then have fair service at best, and usually crappy coffee. Do I go there? Yes. Why? Well, they're everywhere. I was waiting for them to put one in my driveway. Unfortunatly, that's not gonna happen now. Everyone I know goes there. Except the older cop friends of mine, they're at the donut shop with the old ladies. Believe me, its about the donuts not the help. Starbucks, though, is a place for people to see other people, to meet in the morning, and say hi, or talk a little. A a place to meet as a landmark to go elsewhere. "Meet me at the Starbucks on Bascom Street, then you can follow me to my office", some of my business associates have said, or, " Meet me at the Starbucks on Capitol Drive, and I'll take you to my apartment", says the girl to the guy who's cheating on his wife.  So I've heard.  Either way, it's not only about the coffee. Oh yeah, their are those that say they have to have their Carmel Frappachino Machiato double dipped, three shot, lowfat, half and half,double squirt...well you get the idea. It's just a milkshake, in my opinion.

Starbucks created a culture. I bitch everytime I go there,"Why don't they call a large coffee large, what's with this Venti shit, or, "Why is the customer prep area for the cream and sugar, exactly 1.5 square feet, why isn't it bigger, so I don't have to wait behind someone who stirs their coffee like their mixing paint", and my biggest gripe,"How long does it take to get a cup of coffee!" See, I just have to have coffee, in fact I need coffee in the morning. I might murder someone if I don't get a morning cup! John Hopkins University classified coffee addiction as a disorder! Can you believe this, I'm actually sick!!  Can I get disability pay for this?  Regardless, I'm still their six days out of seven (on the seventh day, I'm at the donut shop). But, why Starbucks? Maybe I'll get a look at some hot secretary on her way to work. Maybe I'll meet up with an old friend I haven't seen in a while. Maybe its just because the're so close together, I can drive in a semi-comatose state, and still wind up at a Starbucks.

Yeah, we really love our coffee in this country. Still, I'd love to see a few more independent shops, or a little competition for them. It used to be everyone in the neigborhood would go to a little coffee shop run by a some locals, and chat. Now the neigborhood is the Starbucks. Six hundreed stores closing? It might be the current economy, I mean they're not cheap. Maybe they just built a little too much, too fast. Maybe America is looking for their next culture hang out.  Either way, I'll probably be at the Starbucks tomorrow morning, asking for a medium cup of coffee and confusing all the help because I didn't ask for a Grande Pike's Peak Guatamalan Juan Valdez Donkey riding mild drip with room. Fuggetaboudit!!