The Goodfella

All The Presidents Hair

Have you noticed that U.S. Presidents get gray hair quicker than many of us?  Elected to office with their natural hair color, in four years or less, its starts greying faster than the skies of Seattle. Now, of course it's a demanding, hectic, high pressure job in spite of all the perks- free house, free airplane, more than a couple servants, and bodyguards, to name a few. You become the leader of the free world, constantly being watched by every American and the media, and asked to please everybody, all of the time. And, therein lies the rub. Asked, no demanded, to please everybody all of the time. Try as they might, no President can do it, and as Abe Lincoln said, "You can please all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time."  If not assassinated, Abe would have had no hair at the end of his term, let alone gray.

Picture yourself with 27 kids, 11 teenagers, 4 geriatric relatives, and 6 wives (or husbands), all living with you in your four bedroom, two bath home, wherever. Add to this, at least 18 co-workers, or friends, stopping by your home, daily, to give you advise on how to do things, why you're screwing up, and news about the planet that would sour a sour apple.  On top of this, if things don't get better, they say, you'll be out of a job. I am imagining this is what its like to be President. Would you get gray- fast? Hell, I have one tenth of this, and have considered suicide, at and times, a murderous rampage.

Being President requires a multitude of ass-kissing, keeping the big lobby groups happy so they'll help fund your reelection, pleasing some countries, and bombing the others, listening to your advisers, and having to say no, or yes, a thousand times a day and hoping your right.  "No Mr. President, we have to bomb now to free those in less fortunate countries", says the Secretary of Defense.  You don't want to, but Boeing aircraft is sitting on pins and needles to get the contract for 110 F-22 fighter jets, or 27,000 people will lose their jobs. "Yeah drop the bombs", you say, because you don't want to hear from those Union jerks because you put all those members out of work. Oil? What oil? You mean if I don't hold back alternative energy, the oil companies won't fund my party?  Shit, the last thing I need is the head of the Demo-pubs bitching about lost funds because I told Exxon to bite me. Nope can't have that. Oh no, the Christian right says no to me fighting to keep abortion rights or the entire bible belt will rise against me, but if I side with them every Roe vs. Wade supporter will call me unconstitutional, for not keeping the separation of church and state? Toxic cleanup?  Yeah, I flushed. Taxes, hey I gotta get paid. What?,  I can't legally fire the Director of the IRS, without congressional approval , but I can bomb  someplace in Libya at my will , even though it later turns out to be school?  Money for the banks? Let the Fed handle it, because my predecessor Woodrow Wilson gave them the right to handle our money, so it's not my fault.  No jobs? Go figure. I'm certainly not gonna tell those big corporate cash guys to try and keep a couple jobs on US soil. And the geriatric crowd? "I fought in WWII, and if you cut my social security, I'm gonna cut off your friggen balls, sonny!"  And who can blame them?  Where's FDR when you need him.

Tough job. You bet. Do I think the Presidents are always right. No. Some of them shouldn't even be President- without naming names. Like pleasing that crowded house I talked about earlier- yeah, I think that's close- and like that house, we sometimes need a autocrat. Someone to say, "Hey that's enough crap. We need to do this to fix that, and we're gonna do it"! I mentioned this in a previous blog. A dictator for the moment- just to fix some serious problems. That's the President I'd like to see, the old Harry Truman, the buck stops here kinda guy. By the way, Harry had grey hair going in.

I doubt, at least since about John F. Kennedy, who I believe was killed because he told someone in his "house" to go rub salt in their ass, and said, "I'm doin it this way!!", that we'll ever see a President who takes control and gets something done because it's the right thing to do.

I'm sending this column, and a coupon for Just for Men hair coloring, to our current President, Barack Obama. I think he's gonna need it.

 

 

Wisconsin Cheese and Other Things

After a long absence, I return to writing my column, and having promised to you in the past to keep it regular, I find my lapse to be based not just on what's happening in my world- but the whole world.

Now, forgetting my personal universe, let me point out that there are many of us, some of my closest friends included, that tell me, "I don't care what's happening anywhere but in my world- and neither should you because most of what happens we can't do anything about." I tend to agree, but also find ambivalence can be a dangerous thing. Where do we draw the line? At what point do we say, "What the hell is going on here; let's fix it before it's too late".

I'll try not to get too philosophical on you, but lets take a list of some things happening now, and I'll give you my rant, while you think about yours. In fact, I welcome your thoughts on this, so comment anytime.

The Middle East-  Yes, people in some of those countries have spoken up, and are making changes, unfortunately at times with bloodshed, but changes never the less. Do I care? Yes, because gas prices are skyrocketing again, and I'm tired of any reason they use to raise prices. Pay more at the pump, less of something else more fun- like food and alcohol, my person fuel of choice. I doubt though, the rising prices are because of the freedom people are seeking, but more because of a greedy move by hedge funds and oil companies. I can't think of anything off the top of my head to change this, except give a hearty middle finger salute to the investors and oil barons. Maybe if we all gripe, something can happen- who knows. Oh, and please don't lay the alternative energy angle on me; it will happen, but probably not in my lifetime.

Wisconsin- Cheese anyone? Who would have thought the people of such a mild mannered state like Wisconsin would have riled up against their state government over benefits issues? Isn't the Governor just trying to stop the red ink from flowing and prevent state bankruptcy? Are the people not clear in telling him, "Hey, find something else to pick on, we want our plans in place because its our livelihood we're talkin' about?!". Do I care?  Not really, it's Wisconsin. Just keep shipping out the good cheese. But if my Governor pulls this crap - look out, it will really hit the fan!

Earthquakes and Weather- Is it me, or have there been alot of quakes and strange weather lately? It hasn't affected me yet, so my heart goes out, but until God, Mother Nature, or whatever you call the driving force has a website or 1-800 number, basically, it's good luck to all of us. If our planet is falling apart, then my advice is to start drinking heavily.

Charlie Sheen- This affects me greatly, because if he gets one more bit of attention, I may go ballistic on him and anyone who brings up his name. Move on about this my friends, there are more important things in life. It's two and a half pains in my ass.

All Despots and Dictators-Kim Jong, Gadaffi, the guy from Iran whose name is too long to spell- I could care less about these meatheads unless they start nuking us. Please President Obama, cancel the exective order set up by President Ford that says we can't assasinate other world leaders. Give us a break, by saving our troops and send our top Delta Force hit squad out to nail them. The world will be a better place. And, by the way Mr. President, please send an American collection agency out to find Bin Laden. These guys are good- they always seem to be able to find me.

Wall Street and the Banks- Yes, my wallet is directly affected by these two groups. I am upset that our government sides with them, and designs laws to help them be the legal theives they are. I am more upset, that I can't rake in loads of cash like them, and avoid prison. More upsetting, is that printing up your own cash is a federal crime, even though the bills are owned by the Federal Reserve, which is basically the banks, who are private institutions. Look on any bill and you will see this. Look up the Federal Reserve and read about them. Have your antacid pills nearby. Yes , this affects me, and I'm pissed. 

Like every American, I can get upset when things upset my personal world. I hope that all of us can look down the road and see that something that concerns us may be small now, but may become something big later, so be prepared to at least say something to those that control it. The rest of it, we can watch on the news, down our favorite beveridge, and thank our lucky stars we don't have to worry about it.