The Goodfella

Tax For The Memories

Its been a while, a long while, since I've posted anything.  Maybe all the news about our nations economy, friends of mine being laid off, homes being foreclosed, and my business in the shit can, has made me a little reclusive lately. A little? I keep a rope with a noose on it in my desk drawer at all times!  On top of all this, its tax season, and the only thing that I'll be getting back from the government is a letter of penalty from my 2007 taxes. Oh well.

Tax season in the U.S., is like a wild ride at Disneyland. Some of us find great joy in the ride because of the refunds, and others just vomit while riding, because they know they have to pay. The whole process of tax filing is too complicated, takes to long, and is a mystery to most. Even the name is glorified. 'Tax Season'. Like it takes a whole friggen season to file. Like we have to dedicate three months out of the year for this crap. It's about Turbo Tax, and H&R Block, and those dumb asses at Liberty Tax dressing up like the Statue of Liberty and waving like trained chimps on street corners to get you to use them. Its about tax attorneys, the thousands of IRS employees, and the dump-truck loads of printer ink you go through to print a copy of your return.  It's bigger than Christmas, and non- denominational at that. Everyone gets involved. State taxes, too?  Get me a Tylenol. 

I think its time, in a world where time is more valuable than anything, we simplify things. The U.S. Tax Code is 6,000 pages ! The bible is only about 300 pages! I haven't read more then a few pages in either one of them, but at least the Bible tells a story. It's time for a flat tax.  I can hear some of you screaming, "What about my write offs, what about my write offs!"  Fuck your write offs.  Everybody pays the same percentage on their income. Make 10 grand and if the tax is 5% you pay $500.00. Make 500 grand and your tax is $25,000. You have less taken from your paycheck,and may have more spendable cash during the year. Figure it out. At the end of the year, you fill out one piece of paper, make one calculation, and mail a one page form. Tax season becomes tax day. Life moves on. I mean, you're gonna eventually pay something, because if you show no income then you can't buy anything of value if you need a loan on it. Show too much income, and Uncle Sam gets a bigger cut. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.  As my Uncle Stugots once said,  "A fine is a tax if you do something wrong, and a tax is a fine if you do something good". 

Now I know all the tax attorneys, tax preparers, tax software companies, IRS employees, and the big corporations, (because they pay almost nothing), hate my idea, and it will probably never happen.  I mean, what will they do with themselves?  Well,perhaps they can go work at Disneyland and run a theme ride. Then they can see the faces of those who rejoice, and clean up after those who puke,- just like they do now !

Me and My FICO

Okay, so I checked my FICO score today, and, well I'm not too happy. I mean, when you were a kid, and the teacher was yelling at you about not ruining your permanent record, this is what she was talking about. She just didn't explain it. This is what it's all about today. This little three digit number calculation, based on your credit reports, is what makes the world go around. A high score, and the world is at your fingertips. A low score, and the financial world views you as a credit serial killer. In fact, as an adult, unless you are a serial killer, child molester, or rapist, this score holds high regard in peoples view of you.  Many minor criminals can do jail time, but if their credit score is good, they can get whatever they want. In fact people will say, "He's a dirt bag otherwise, but he's driving a nice car because his credit is good", or, "Look at that guy, he was convicted of wire tap fraud, but he always pays his bills. Now every girl in town wants him because he has a great credit score, and can buy them whatever they want". I mentioned in another blog, that I know women that won't even date a guy if his score goes below 700. Its getting to the point that you have to fill out a credit app just so they can check your score before you order at Burger King, and ask for extra ketchup. "Sorry sir, your score is a little low, so no extra ketchup".  It's all about the image.

Now, we all believe that this score is a reflection of how we pay are bills. This is most, but not all of it. It also takes into effect your debt ratio, how much you pay on those bills, and the length of time you have those credit cards. I pay all my bills on time, but maxed out those cards, and that score dropped like a rock. Apply for a new card, and guess what, down it goes. Get upset at a department store over some bad merchandise, don't pay the bill, and the score drops, even if your right. Say the word credit, and your score drops. My 87 year old mother has a great score and had to make a dental payment which nearly maxed out one of two credit cards and- guess what. In fact what I don't get about this system, is that it doesn't take income into account, because my mother hasn't worked in twenty five years, and American Express did everything they could to convince her to take a card.  It doesn't make sense but, we base our whole life, and our ability to buy anything we can't pay cash for on this FICO thing.

After a few sleepless nights about my FICO, I think I finally figured a few things out. It's all about the banks. They want us to have great credit scores to buy that house or car, or apply for that platinum Visa card, but then they want it to drop, so they can charge more interest. Call me paranoid, but this conspiracy theory makes sense. That letter in the mail from Mastercard says,"Based on your great credit score, we're offering you a gold card with a $10,000 limit, at 0% interest for the first year, and 4% after that".  So,who wouldn't take it. You sign up, and the card comes. At 0% for the first year, you max it out on a big down payment for your new Lexus.  Hey, it's free money for a year. But, wait. You maxed  it out, and your making minimum payments. Your score drops.  "Based on our recent credit score check, we find we are unable to continue offering your card at 0% and have raised the rate to 14%", says the next letter from Mastercard. Shit.  Now the payments are higher, so one month your late a few days. Late charge $39.00.  '" Based on your recent late payment, we have raised your interest rate to the default rate of 29%. Good Luck", says the next letter.  Okay, so now the great score is just an average score, and the bank makes bank because you have a low FICO!  What a gimmick. No wonder why the credit card industry put my loan sharking Uncle Vito out of business.

I say to hell with FICO. Not only is it a system for the banks to make more money, its also the biggest tattle tale system in the world. Late on one bill, and you're scorned by everyone. I say, don't pay on time, and if Mastercard cancels you, so be it, but if Visa wants to take a chance, why not. I mean you'd think they'd be happy I screwed the competition. And why so much importance on this in our society. We have 'In God we Trust' on our money because in this country money is a God. What about other things in life?  What if they had a morals FICO. "Hey I heard John just cheated on his wife and his moral score dropped to 200". Now no woman will touch him",  or, how about, "I heard Mrs. Smith stole three pies from the grocer." What a bitch, I hope her score goes down 50 points and no more pies for her". With a moral score, we'd probably all be in trouble, but it's a thought. Let's get off this idolizing money in this world. Yes, we all need it, it's great to have it, and we need to responsible with it, but there's more than this to life. I have yet to hear anyone say on their deathbed, "My only regret is not having a better FICO score".

America the Rotund

Yes I'm overweight. About 35 pounds overweight. I've heard, though, that I'm not in a minority since most of America has a weight problem. In fact, the World Health Organization names America as the "fattest country on earth."  Some of us are mildly overweight- about 10-20 lbs; some of us just plain fat,- about 20-50lbs overweight,( like me);  some of us obese- 50 plus pounds; and some of us are so big, we have objects orbiting around us. How disgusting.

The news that the New York city health department now requires fast food chains to post calories on their menus brings me to the point of this story. Now that there are so many of us bulging around the waist, it was time for the government to step in. Now when we go to a McDonalds's, we'll know just how much that Big Mac will cost us in calories. Just think of it, no more wondering if this stuff will add to our "bottom line".  Let's see, a Big Mac is 600 calories!! Wow! Well, I'm off to Whole Foods to buy a head of lettuce. Wait a minute, I can have a McSalad instead. Yeah, that's the ticket from now on it's McSalads only. But, what about Burger King?  A Whopper has got to be less calories. In fact, I know a six piece fried chicken meal at KFC has got to be less calories, I mean it's chicken, right?  You know what though?  I really wanted a burger! Screw this I'm having a double cheeseburger with bacon, it's 20 calories less than the Big Mac. See, it worked! If those calories weren't posted, I would have had that Big Mac. I saved twenty calories! Now I can have a milkshake!  Right. Anybody sensing some sarcasm here. Yeah, me too.

The government. Our Big Brother. Our Father. Our Mother. That's the point. Why do we have to have this? When will we, as people, go back to taking responsibility for ourselves, and our children. Yeah, it's good to know you can ask about calories, but is it just about fast food?  What about high end food establishments? Let's take Morton's Steak House for instance. Now, I'm not picking on Morton's, but you have a 16oz. strip steak, a loaded baked potato, some sauteed mushrooms and mud pie for desert,you can bet it's going to be more calories than a meal at McDonald's. I know, I looked it up! No requirements for that to be posted on the menu though. It's not fast food. Our brilliant lawmakers want to post fast food because they believe most of Americas blubber problem comes from this. A family of five on a low income is not going to be eating at Morton's.  They need to be educated, according to the government. Well, if they can't figure out that a Quarter Pounder with cheese is not exactly health food, than they don't care what the calorie count is. A guy made a movie called "Super Size Me", about how he ate at a McDonald's every day for a month and gained 30 plus pounds. Do you think? Nothing against this guys movie making skills, but we couldn't figure the ending out? Eat a Grand Slam at Denny's twice a day and see what happens. I watched a ballgame at a buddy's house and we were all digging into six varieties of potato chips and four different beers. The calories are posted on every bag and bottle. We are all overweight, (except one guy who's thin enough to hide behind a wheat stalk and he had a heart attack last year-go figure). But, no one cared because that's what we wanted to eat. Mom and the three kids wants some Happy meals at Mickie D's, and that's what they are going to get. Calorie count or not.

Now, some of  you are thinking, "We think its good to post this info about calories, it might save a life, or keep us healthier". Maybe so. Nothing wrong with posting it. It just doesn't need to be a law. More things for the government to control, means more government employees to police it, means higher taxes. My waist may not shrink, but my wallet will. McDonald's has a website with all the nutrition facts, and flyers on the counter in the stores, so police yourselves.  But, if your that health conscious, or on some strict diet, going to a fast food place is like buying a $300,000 Ferrari, and complaining about the gas mileage. Stay the hell out of fast food places. As far as us "fatso's" causing insurance premiums to go up (we've heard this one before), then let's all get thin, and if the insurance companies lower their premiums, I got a bridge for sale.

Moderation. Control yourselves. Use some common sense. I haven't, that's why I have to look in the mirror to see my,- well you know. But, I don't blame anyone, and don't expect anyone to pass laws because I can't drive past a pizza parlor without spotting.  I know pizza has got calories, and a lot of them. Posted or not. That famous line in the movie "The Godfather" wasn't " Leave the gun, and check the calorie count on the cannolis before you take them". Get the point. Hmmm, cannolis.....!!  Maybe I'll just have half of one. 

Room with That?

So todays news brought us something we never expected. Starbucks is closing 600 stores. Six Hundred! Now, in keep in mind they have about 14,000 stores in the U.S. so this is about 4% of their operations. The news also said this means about 12,000 people will lose their jobs. Twelve thousand? How many people does it take to run a coffee shop?  At this number, that's about 30 people per store. That means, not counting the corporate office, these 14,000 stores employ 420,000 people! Did the Assoicated Press mis-print this? Is it possible that this many people work there? I mean between Starbucks, and the Federal Government, I don't think anybody works anywhere else. I don't work, obviously, because I'm in front of a computer writing this. But, c'mon, if Starbucks has this many people, how come it takes so damn long to get a cup of coffee?  I know this little hole in the wall donut shop that has three old ladies working there, 10 hours a day, and I can get coffee and donuts in half the time, at half the price.   So, what is it?

Starbucks has become an enigma in this country. Gotta love their marketing people. They built 14,000 plus stores in just a few years, put a nice coprporate design in all of them, and then have fair service at best, and usually crappy coffee. Do I go there? Yes. Why? Well, they're everywhere. I was waiting for them to put one in my driveway. Unfortunatly, that's not gonna happen now. Everyone I know goes there. Except the older cop friends of mine, they're at the donut shop with the old ladies. Believe me, its about the donuts not the help. Starbucks, though, is a place for people to see other people, to meet in the morning, and say hi, or talk a little. A a place to meet as a landmark to go elsewhere. "Meet me at the Starbucks on Bascom Street, then you can follow me to my office", some of my business associates have said, or, " Meet me at the Starbucks on Capitol Drive, and I'll take you to my apartment", says the girl to the guy who's cheating on his wife.  So I've heard.  Either way, it's not only about the coffee. Oh yeah, their are those that say they have to have their Carmel Frappachino Machiato double dipped, three shot, lowfat, half and half,double squirt...well you get the idea. It's just a milkshake, in my opinion.

Starbucks created a culture. I bitch everytime I go there,"Why don't they call a large coffee large, what's with this Venti shit, or, "Why is the customer prep area for the cream and sugar, exactly 1.5 square feet, why isn't it bigger, so I don't have to wait behind someone who stirs their coffee like their mixing paint", and my biggest gripe,"How long does it take to get a cup of coffee!" See, I just have to have coffee, in fact I need coffee in the morning. I might murder someone if I don't get a morning cup! John Hopkins University classified coffee addiction as a disorder! Can you believe this, I'm actually sick!!  Can I get disability pay for this?  Regardless, I'm still their six days out of seven (on the seventh day, I'm at the donut shop). But, why Starbucks? Maybe I'll get a look at some hot secretary on her way to work. Maybe I'll meet up with an old friend I haven't seen in a while. Maybe its just because the're so close together, I can drive in a semi-comatose state, and still wind up at a Starbucks.

Yeah, we really love our coffee in this country. Still, I'd love to see a few more independent shops, or a little competition for them. It used to be everyone in the neigborhood would go to a little coffee shop run by a some locals, and chat. Now the neigborhood is the Starbucks. Six hundreed stores closing? It might be the current economy, I mean they're not cheap. Maybe they just built a little too much, too fast. Maybe America is looking for their next culture hang out.  Either way, I'll probably be at the Starbucks tomorrow morning, asking for a medium cup of coffee and confusing all the help because I didn't ask for a Grande Pike's Peak Guatamalan Juan Valdez Donkey riding mild drip with room. Fuggetaboudit!!

A Paradigm Shift

Obama. McCain. Obama. McCain. Obama. McCain. Daffy Duck. Wait a minute ! I was thinking about the Presidential candidates and all of a sudden Daffy Duck pops into my head ! Why?  Maybe I've reached a new low in apathy. Maybe because it doesn't matter. Maybe, just maybe, I'm beginning to realize neither one of these two will really make that much of a difference. Maybe Daffy Duck would do a better job. I know you think I'm cracking up, but let's look at couple things.

Let's start with the bureaucracy. It's a big machine full of everything from Senators who have been around since the dawn of man, to some high-level department head in some agency that doesn't give a rats ass who the President is because they can never be fired, (unless somebody posts their picture on the Internet of them having sex with something- thats something not someone). They won't quit because they are probably making almost what the President does in salary and benefits, and they love their power. They'll be there through three Presidents, or more. They are the ones with true power. The power to tell the citizens, "Follow the rules-or else", or, "You think I work for you ? What do you think this is, a government by and for the people?"

Next, lets look at the candidates. It really doesn't matter whether it's McCain or Obama, or anyone. No candidate is going to rock the boat far enough to upset his party, or his big money supporters. Why should they? It's a an eight year maximum ride in the White House, and unless that Internet thing I mentioned earlier pops up, his popularity may go down, but he'll still be there. Our current President is still there, regardless of his all time low popularity, and our last one, was impeached (that was close to the Internet thing!), and some say he was one of the most popular ever.  What? You were expecting McCain or Obama to actually change things? In the early months of their tenure, they will do some things to prove their worth. It's called the honeymoon period. The economy will pickup, some policy changes to help the working man, maybe more war or peace depending on how they guage the reaction of the voters. But, a paradigm shift ? It won't happen. Not this time. Maybe not ever. Not with the forever standard Democrat/Republican, or what ever party kind of President. No I'm not voting for any independents either. They too will get stopped in their tracks by the long standing establishment. I know your thinking I'm disgruntled- actually pissed off is a better term. Yes, I will vote, even if its to write in my name (hmm?), or Daffy Duck.

Going back to that paradigm shift I mentioned earlier- now thats the ticket. We need a leader who can radically alter the path we're on to bring us back to the way we were. Not some whacko, but a leader who can make the USA the great entity it was. Don't get me wrong, I love this country, but we need to get back on track before we lose it. It has to start in the White House. A person like the forefathers who made this country. Now that was a paradigm shift. It needs to filter down to all levels of government. State and local. Ever tried to get a permit to add a room to your house? I had to go through four local agencies just to get it approved, and pay these ridiculous permit fees, just to add a friggen 14 x20 room. Must have added ten grand to the overall cost. I'm all for safety, but give me a break. That's the kind of BS in government that needs to be changed.

I want to see a government that protects me from the bad I can't see, or deal with. Protect me from invaders and crime, protect me from tainted food, build a nationwide infrastructure that keeps us alive and moving. Don't protect me from myself, don't tax me to death just so some bureaucrat can keep his overpaid job. By and for the people. It's simple. Common sense is all it takes.

I promise not to write in Daffy Duck, that shift might be a little much. It's nice to think that one of the candidates might actually do more than rubber stamp a bunch of laws that makes life tougher. I just don't know if it will happen with these guys, or in my life time.  Jefferson, Washington, and the rest of the founding clan have got to be spinning like lathes over a lot of things. All said and done though, maybe I'll vote for.................. Forget it, I need to keep thinking about this. 

Can't Touch This !

Beginning in California, July 1st, 2008, you have to have a hands free device to use your cell phone in your car. Most states already have this law in effect. In those states, including California, however, it's not illegal to text while driving ! How the hell did they miss that one !  I mean if you're going to ban holding the phone in you hand, you have to ban touching the phone at all. But wait;  what about dialing?  If your phone doesn't have voice dial, you still have to touch the phone to dial !  Touch this, don't touch that, I mean, what the frig is it all about?

This is another half cocked law to try and save lives. Yep, lives ! The lawmakers though, never seem to complete the circle. Now, everybody gets to hate the cops because they pulled you over for having a cell phone in your hand. What other crime?  You mean there's more important crime than this? Absolutely ! Our tax dollars are hard at work taking the time of our police away from more important things. Soon, they'll ban putting on makeup in the car (you haven't seen this?), eating while driving, (I've done this), and grabbing your significant others ass ! - Hmm- I wonder how they would enforce that one?

The real question is, should you talk on the cell, eat, put on make-up, or whatever while driving ? The obvious answer is no. We've all done it, but the answer is no. Concentrate on driving the friggen car.  Should their be a law ? No. Why waste time. Why use up public safety officers to catch the bad cell phone or ass grabbing driver.  We all know what's right. Even those cell phone addict teens that talk so much they may have found an alternative fuel- their mouths- know what's right.

Now you're probably asking "What about saving the lives?".  Save your own life- use your head.  How much mothering do you want the government to do? Statistics show that hand free devices don't help that much when your mind is on something other than driving. Get off the phone. Remember when there were no cell phones? You got by then.  Pull off the road if it's so damn important. Let 'em leave a voicemail.  I don't how most people even get things done, they're on the cell phone so much.

Now insurance companies probably want these laws because it might save just one life. But believe me they're worried about the cash payout, not the life. Seat belts save lives, and now that everyone wears one, did your premiums go down? Some bureaucrats want the law, again because more fines equal more revenue. Overall, the thought is good , but passing a law for any of this stuff will be more of a pain then its worth.  If we're gonna pass laws to saves lives on the road, try making cars safer. Try keeping idiots from getting a license. You know what I mean. How difficult is it to use some common sense?